A Halo Called Fred

I wanna carve out your eyes with a red hot butter knife
Skin you alive within an inch of your life
I wanna rip out your teeth
and have the blood roll down my shirt
but you always say--

I don't wanna, it'll hurt.
I'm not a muppet like Ernie or Bert!

I wanna kiss your eardrum with a cut piano wire
Bathe you in champagne and set you on fire
I wanna soak your eyes in bleach
I'm asking nice, I'm never curt
but you always say--

I don't wanna, it'll hurt.

You don't want to die, you say
but death is not my intention
So let me torture your private parts
with my multi-knifed invention

So let's sew your tongue to the tip of your nose
Get a nice hydraulic press to flatten all your toes.
I wanna paint you bright colors and elongate your head with a vice
and force your eyes open so nice with eye drops
So you look like Ernie and Bert
but you always say--

I don't wanna, it'll hurt.

You can do it to me too, if you want to.