Beautiful South

As Martin said to Xanthe
As they played with wooden toys,
"You may have Wendy's playhouse,
But where the hell's your boys?"
As Paul said to Fifi
As they eyed each other up,
"You may have better plimsolls,
But you can't pee standing up."
An I'd like to take the time to bite
Their neck and make it bleed
Or maybe I could cut holes in their
Daddy Harris Tweed.
And I can't put my finger on it.
Maybe it's something in the food,
And I can't put my finger on it
All I know is Christ would have sued.
As Sharon said to Jamie
As they sat down for a chat,
"If you think I'm cooking dinner,
Well, prepare to eat dead rat."
As Debbie said to Alex
As they held hands in the park
"How come you wear Rupert Check
When you think you're so hard."
I should have done his Land Rover
To let them know I've been,
Instead I wrote "F' off"
On the dirt across his screen.
And I can't put my finger on it.
Maybe it's something in the food,
And I can't put my finger on it
All I know is Christ would have sued.