Abby Ahmad

Star Pupil

“I’m sorry.”
Two words I can’t seem to extract
From my vocabulary
It’s not that I’ve done wrong
See, this is where things get hairy
History has wired me this way

The suction
Of that phrase upon my brain
Led to the destruction
There hasn’t been any sign of
Reconstruction
But I am willing to try
What can I say?

My whole life
I’ve played the passive wife
Every trick,
I’ve turned my head
So now I gather up my best defenses
To words unsaid

I swear, I’ll curb all the baggage
Once I learn the language

Baiting me with things I craved
And yeah, I’d be waiting
Just like the dogs of Pavlov
I’d start salivating
A private hell
Each time they rang the bell

Peel me
Strip the tainted layers of this
Past life
For you, I’ll wipe the slate clean
If you wipe my eyes dry
To that former self
We’ll bid farewell
Fare thee well!

Teach me, sir
A new vernacular
Consider me your star pupil
I’m a slow burn
But a fast learn
And if I start to push away
Babe, you just pull

I swear to you
I will be fine
All I need is...

Time
Peace of mind
Someone kind enough
To guide me on my way
So, wait
Don’t lose your faith
Your patience will lead me
To a brighter day

I see now that I’ve been low
Been knocked down by petty blows
A casualty of the unspoken
But watch me now
See how I’ve grown?
Not aloof
And not alone
I am bruised but not broken
Bruised but not broken

And I do accept
The dialect
Things finally comprehend