Bruce McCulloch

Al Miller's heart is a lump of butter
It got that way 'cause he likes the taste of bacon and eggs
Al Miller's been my friend since college
Although they never saw him take classes

Al Miller's always been a philosopher
He says stuff like
"Getting drunk with your landlord:
Not a smart thing to do"
"Don't trust a guy who
Keeps his change in his wallet"

Al Miller's wife rides the Nordic-Trac
She Nordic-Trac's while Al eats his bacon and eggs
Al Miller had a weird lump on his elbow
Got it cut off, he never even sat down

Al Miller's always been a philosopher
He says stuff like
"Get a clock radio,
That's the kind of life you're gonna have"
"Don't like your stir-fry?
Send it back"

Al Miller don't cater for gossip
Yet he'll get in a cab and talk Egyptian politics
Won't drink red wine or get an earring
Never went through a phase where he dyed his hair black

Al Miller's always been a philosopher
He says stuff like
"Getting drunk in a hotel?
Well, then you better play low-die"
He says stuff like
"Bruce, why are you writing a song about me?"
What he should say, as he looks in the mirror, is "I am Al Miller!"